I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
