Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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