wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
