you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
