The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize