You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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