I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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