you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
