dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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