i think my mom watched the whole time
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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