watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
honey bunches of taint.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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