just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
