grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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