i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
