Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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