Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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