'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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