Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
