Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
