I wish I could teleport
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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