NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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