He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
