The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
