I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
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I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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