oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
