if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
