they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
