The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
