dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
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my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
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It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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