R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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