I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
