there's paper in my vomit.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
