You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
