I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
