You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Congratulations! We have a period
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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