I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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