You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
