im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
