I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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