ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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