I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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