Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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