just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
