Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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