If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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