There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
