how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
do herpes really smell.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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