yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
