He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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