theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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