I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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