You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
