I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
