You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
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He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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