In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
