Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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