i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
