I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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