oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
