May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
