Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
