quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You ruined the universe
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
