Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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