Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
