turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
