JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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