the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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