like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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