We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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