I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
