Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
