sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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