Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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