sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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