After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
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The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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