She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
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Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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