Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
