I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
