was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
