just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
