don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize