ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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