Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
