Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
