OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
