i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
