he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
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why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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