I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
