i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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