I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
