It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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