yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
