I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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