I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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