It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
