my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
