dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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