Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I need to sanitize my soul.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
