oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
